


Seeking Advice

by SBlackmane



Series: Lion, 9:41 Dragon [5]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 15:59:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBlackmane/pseuds/SBlackmane
Summary: Cassandra gives Cullen her two cents in regards to Adaar





	Seeking Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Going back and replaying the scene where Cullen discusses Samson, I thought it could've been better, so I changed it. Still canon, but sort of alternate canon, I guess?
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

Cullen Rutherford was never one to make light of something such as admitting to having feelings for another man. While he could be crass, occassionally sarcastic, and even quite cynical in regards to certain subjects, the Inquisition's Commander was not known for jokes such as this. So when he confessed to Cassandra that he was attracted to Inquisitor Adaar, the Seeker took him at his word. He'd never told anyone of his affections before. This was the first he'd ever spoken of it, aloud, to anyone.

Cassandra gaped in shock for a moment at his words, momentarily frozen, but quickly she covered up her surprise with throat clearing, glancing away. This was terribly awkward, for both of them, but Cullen felt she had a right to know, considering she was the one to recruit him back in Kirkwall, and she was the one he trusted to monitor his Lyrium withdrawal. She was the one to elect Adaar as Inquisitor, and she, better than anyone, would give him sound, logical advice free of judgement. And she wouldn't gossip about it either.

Of anyone, she was the closest Cullen had to what he would consider a friend. Perhaps the closest friend he'd ever had in his life. Close enough that he felt comfortable with telling her this in the first place, and while part of him regretted it...a small part of him was actually relieved. It was like a weight had been lifted from his chest, now that it was out in the open, like breathing fresh air for the first time in years. But even as he'd said the words, he was still coming to terms with it. That he, Cullen Rutherford, liked other men.

"What sort of feelings?" Cassandra inquired.

Cullen stuttered. "The - the romantic sort," he mumbled, and Cassandra's eyes widened even further.

"Maker," she breathed, in shock.

"You think less of me now," Cullen remarked with some derision, and the Seeker gasped.

"What?! No!" she rushed to assure him, pushing herself off the patch of wall she leaned against, stepping closer. "No, I just...I never knew you preferred such company," she said - to his relief - wringing her gloved hands in angst. "This is the first I've heard of it."

Cullen let out the breath he was unaware of holding thus far.

"That's because you're the first I've told of it," he said, and she nodded as if to say, 'Ah, I see.' And he still wasn't entirely sure if he would prefer Adaar's company. All he knew was that he could think of so little else most days. If he wasn't weighted down with the Inquisition's troubles, then it was his inexplicable attraction to the giant that festered. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. "I'm...not really sure what to do about it, and I had hoped to hear your thoughts on the matter."

"My thoughts?"

Cullen nodded. Then he sighed. "It's...highly inappropriate, isn't it?" he asked.

"That depends on your definition of inappropriate," she answered with a shrug. "Is the Inquisitor aware of your feelings toward him?"

Cullen chewed on his lip a little. Sort of? He'd made a guess of it, back at Haven, but Cullen refused his advances. He didn't know that in the days to follow, his affections had only grown. And no longer was it only physical attraction, but something far deeper he was beginning to feel for the man... "No?" he finally answered.

"You haven't told him?"

"I did just say you're the first to hear of this," he reminded.

"Right, right, of course," she nodded. "So, do you plan to tell him?"

Cullen shrugged. "Should I?" he asked. "He's - I mean - I'm...erm...I'm not sure I should."

"Why not?" Cassandra questioned, and at this point, Cullen was far too flustered to speak. This was so embarrassing! He smeared a hand across his reddened face.

He had thought the conversation would take a different turn than this.

As a matter of fact, he thought Cassandra would immediately shut down any notion of romance between the two. Either she'd laugh at the absurdity of it, or start a lecture on how unseemly it would be for the Commander of the Inquisition and its leader to fraternize. How _inappropriate_ it would be. And it would be just the dose of reality he needed to put him back on the right path, and turn him away from this silly notion altogether. But she did no such thing. In fact, she didn't seem too disapproving at all.

"I...do you approve of this?" he inquired, quirking a brow.

"Well, I don't disapprove," she shrugged. "Granted, it's a little...unorthodox, but we must take what solace where we can, in times like these. Perhaps it would be good for you. And if Adaar feels the same way as you, I see no reason why you shouldn't be together." She smiled a little. "I've seen the way he looks at you. I'm certain he feels the same." She said that as if she meant to reassure him his affections would be returned, if he had any doubt. That his time wouldn't be wasted on the man. He doubled over in disbelief.

"But he's..." _He's kossith! He isn't human! He's another male! And he's....Maker's breath, he's so much bigger than me! He'd break me in half, and I'd be insane to sleep with him!_... "He's the Inquisitor," he argued, but Cassandra held up a hand.

"I am aware of this," she said. "And true, that it would be difficult to manage a relationship given your demanding positions, and some might consider it a conflict of interests, but I see no reason why it couldn't work. As I said, we must take these moments where we can."

"But he's a mage."

"And?"

"And...is that not dangerous?"

"It would be if Adaar were malificar," she said. "But he's not dangerous, at least not to the Inquisition, that is. I can't say the same for his enemies. Things have changed. This is not the Circle of Magi. And you are no longer a Templar, Cullen. It is no longer your duty to govern mages. You don't have to keep your distance from him."

"He's...we're so different."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself, of these things?" Cassandra asked him, leaning her head to the side in confusion. "All these excuses...It sounds to me like you're not looking for my approval, or my opinion at all, but rather it sounds to me that you don't want to have these feelings for him, and you _want_ a reason to keep your distance. Pardon my impertinence, Cullen, but truly, you are being ridiculous. If you want to be with him, be with him, if not, then don't. Make up your mind!"

She threw up her hands as if losing an argument, and he groaned.

"No, it's not...it's just that...Maker, why is this so confusing?" he asked himself. Then he sighed. "Look, the truth is, I don't know how I feel," he admitted. "All I know is that I can't stop thinking about him, and if I persue this, it could change everything...And," He massaged the kink in his neck, "Well, I've never been with another man before. I've been curious, of course, but I've never actually...you know. _That_. And he's so intimidating; he makes me feel so small whenever I'm near him. I don't like that feeling."

Cassandra studied him for a moment, then said, "Ah. I see. You...have no experience, and you're not sure if you would find his company... _appealing_?" she asked carefully, and Cullen read between the lines. "And you don't like the idea of being the 'fair maiden'?" she added with a smirk, and Cullen couldn't help but snort at that.

"More or less," he sighed. Cassandra nodded. "I just...I'm so confused," he lamented, leaning against the wall.

Cassandra sighed and put a hand on his armored shoulder in reassurance. "Well, regardless of how you handle this, Cullen, you have my support," she said to him. "As I said, I do not think less of you. I would never think less of you for that. Perhaps you need more time to think. Maybe after the Inquisitor returns from Crestwood, the two of you can resolve this."

Cullen sighed, and slowly nodded. "Thank you," he told her.

"You are welcome," she said, and started to walk away, but stopped, and turned back to him. "No one will think less of you, Cullen. Whatever doubts you may have, you should disregard them. If this is what you want, and the two of you can make each other happy, I think that is all that matters."

"You don't think the Maker would disapprove?" he asked, and she snorted.

"There is nothing in the Chant of Light that speaks against it," she shrugged, then walked away.

Cullen sighed.

Well, that much was true.

* * *

The days Adaar spent in Crestwood were some of the longest days of Cullen's life.

He'd resolved to tell him the truth upon his return. Everything he spoke of to Cassandra, he would tell Adaar. His fears, his uncertainties, and the reasons behind his hesitation. Whether or not anything came of it, he felt Adaar deserved at least that much from him. Once the bridge leading from the keep to the battlements was repaired, the Commander resigned himself to the watchtower at the end of it. The position was perfect, centrally located, and the room above the office was livable.

As well as from there, he would see the away party arriving, and be notified the moment Adaar returned.

But the day he arrived, their private conversation would have to wait, on account of the report he received not minutes before from one of the Spymaster's scouts, a matter that greatly concerned him. Raleigh Samson was alive. He'd not perished in the battle at Haven, was still out there somewhere, and they had a lead on one of his supply shipments of Red Lyrium. If they could trace the shipments to their source, and cut off his supply, not only would they weaken the Templars immensely, but they might get a fix on his location.

The moment Samson's name came across the page, everything else was suddenly secondary to Cullen. Nothing mattered more than taking down his wretched ex-compatriot, and bringing him to justice. A horn blew in the distance, signalling the return of the Inquisitor and his companions, and immediately Cullen marched out of his office, stepping out onto the battlements to inspect the scene. There he was, horns jutting out from atop his head, dark skin concealed away behind even darker leather battlemage armor.

Cullen stole a breath, then rushed down the steps toward the gate.

He met the Inquisitor as he was dismounting, his armored charger shifting restlessly, eager to get to the comfy stable, to be untacked, rubbed down and fed. Dennet and a stablehand were waiting to do just that, and lead their mounts away. Adaar tossed a heavy looking saddlebag over one shoulder as Cullen was approaching. Next to him, Varric and Cassandra were dismounting, both groaning over little aches and pains from riding. They shot one another a brief glance, but said nothing untoward.

"Inquisitor," Cullen greeted the man, who nodded in response. He looked tired, much more so than he usually did after a mission, but perhaps he'd always looked such a way, only Cullen was just more acutely aware of the giant's idiosyncrasies as of late. "Might I have a word with you?" the Commander requested, and when the Inquisitor obliged, he proceeded to lead him to the watchtower on the wall. He ushered him inside and closed the door, walking quickly to the desk to pick up the report in regards to Samson.

"I know you've only just returned from Crestwood, but I fear this matter couldn't wait," he said, handing Adaar the document in hand, flustering only just a little when his fingers brushed Cullen's briefly. He cleared his throat. "According to Leliana's people, Raleigh Samson is alive, and smuggling Red Lyrium."

"The leader of the Red Templars," came Adaar's deep voice as he read the parchment. He crumpled the paper in his fist and scowled. "Corypheus' general," he growled, obviously having no more affection for the degenerate than the Commander. He tossed the rumpled report on Cullen's desk. "And he's alive?" Adaar inquired, folding both arms across his broad chest, made moreso by the armor he wore. Cullen was loathe to admit he was even more attractive when he was brooding and malcontent.

"Yes," Cullen nodded. "He's resurfaced in Orlais. I have a few leads on his supply routes. If we can cut of his supply, we'll feasibly dent their operation, at least. And taking down his right hand man will deal a considerable blow to Corypheus himself."

"I like the sound of that," the Inquisitor smirked. "Where do we start?"

"I have a few locations we can investigate. The Emerald Graves, and Emprise Du Lion."

"Good. I'll have Harding scout the locations and move out as soon as we get word on what we're dealing with." Cullen nodded at the reasonable approach to the situation, and Adaar relaxed momentarily, shifting his weight to the side. "So how do you know Samson?" he asked.

"Kirkwall," Cullen answered readily. "Of course, when I knew him, I thought him to be somewhat a decent man. At least, I never expected him to resort to such atrocities. But he was dismissed from the Order for smuggling messages between a fellow Templar and a mage. They were love letters. The act was relatively harmless, but Meredyth was exceedingly strict in her punsishment for any offence. It's forbidden for those of the Order to attach themselves to mages. The mage was made Tranquil, and Samson was left to suffer.

Most Templars could not survive without Lyrium. Once they're dismissed from the Order they're denied access to it. The Chantry doesn't offer it to them. He was reduced to begging on the streets for it. He was desperate, but I could never imagine that he'd be willing to side with Corypheus and allow himself to be corrupted by Red Lyrium. I don't think he deserved his fate, but what acts he has committed in recompense are inexcusable. He's far from the man I knew, and needs to be stopped before things get any worse."

"I agree," Adaar nodded. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention."

Cullen nodded, then watched Adaar turn to leave the tower. He stopped in the doorway and turned back, like there was something more he'd like to say, but changed his mind. He looked troubled, and Cullen doubted it had anything to do with Samson, or Corypheus.

"Is something wrong?" Cullen asked him, and he opened his mouth, but then closed it.

He stared at Cullen for a long moment before sighing, and saying, "It's nothing. I'll see you later, Cullen." It was only after the Inquisitor left that Cullen realized how that conversation could've gone a lot better than it did. Perhaps he should've said something then. But he quickly dismissed the idea. Tracking down Samson was more important. He sighed dejectedly and rubbed the back of his neck. There would always be something more important. There would simply never be time.

Perhaps it was better left unsaid.

* * *

"So did you tell him?" Cassandra asked, when she found Cullen in the tower and barged in, striding up to his desk. He slumped his shoulders. He knew without asking what she referred to.

"No," he pouted.

"Why not?"

"I...we got a lead on Samson. He's alive, and somewhere in Orlais. That takes precedence over personal matters."

"Yes, well, I don't disagree, but...Still, I think you should speak with him while you still have the chance, before he leaves."

Cullen flailed his arms. "And what do I say to him?"

Cassandra pursed her lips. "You tell him how you feel," she asserted with a glare. "Truly Cullen? How hard is it to simply say, 'Inquisitor, I like you'?"

He growled at her. "The Inquisitor has more important matters to deal with than this, Cassandra. We both do. I..." He sighed. "Perhaps it's better this way. We're dealing with an even greater threat than that of the Breach, and he now leads the Inquisition. Our positions cannot be neglected. There will always be something more imperative."

"Cullen," she started, stepping closer, until her hands were resting on the desk. "I understand why you are hesitant, but I don't want you to miss an opportunity to be happy."

"What makes you think I would be?" he couldn't help but ask. "What sort of future could we possibly have, Cassandra? It would never work."

"You don't know that," she argued, shaking her head.

Cullen's heart pounded, and he brought himself to ask the one question, speak the one thought aloud that he'd yet to, the one he feared the most. The one reservation that outweighed any other.

"The way I feel about him is...more than just some childhood crush, Cassandra. And if things didn't work between us, we could not simply part ways. What if he could never feel the same? What if all I am to him is just...a fling?" he asked quietly.

"What if it's more?" she countered. "Please, just talk to him, Cullen," she pleaded.

Having no other excuses to make, Cullen finally nodded. "I'll think about it," he agreed.

The Seeker smiled. "Good. Just don't _over-think_ it, Commander," she suggested, and then, _finally_ , let him be about the matter.

**Author's Note:**

> Aw, look at Cassie being the supportive bestie!
> 
> And of course you know she'd ship Skyhold romance ;) Or any romance. She's such a sap XD


End file.
